Divisiveness Isn’t Helping Anyone

Having just read a Huffington Post article the other day, I was left with the same conclusion I often come to regarding the state of mental health: Our division is hurting us.  You can read the article I am referring to, here.

There is a lot to be said for the passion and drive it takes to advocate for persons with mental illness.  It is a thankless job rife with bureaucracy, red tape and a lot of road blocks. That isn’t stopping advocates from charging full speed ahead.  But, that isn’t what this post is about, really.  I say it because it is important to recognize that a lot of people are volunteering a lot of time and energy into making the lives of individuals better, but are also finding themselves at odds with others who seemingly have the same goal.

Sometimes, I think in our need to be “right” we miss out on the bigger picture.  People with very similar goals and different perspectives should work collaboratively for the good of all. Ought we really take such a divided stance to mental health?  I am constantly running across so much judgement in the field.  I am frustrated by it.  Why deny people their experiences?  Can’t your “truth” be as truthful as someone else’s “truth”?  Not only are we fighting stigma of society at large, we are fighting stigma within our own movement.  Meds vs. Anti-Meds, Assisted Outpatient Treatment vs. The Rights of Individuals, Behavior vs. Cognitive, etc., etc.  All of this and we are so far mired in the muck with not a lot of progress being made, we may never get out.

What would it look like if we could acknowledge each other and find common ground to take care of individuals with serious mental illness so they do not wind up homeless, in prison or dead?  What would it look like if we could place importance on education so that children could be identified earlier and given the best chance to battle a looming mental illness?  Why can’t we do both?  I don’t pretend to have all the answers.  There is so much need and so much that needs to be changed, sometimes it is nothing but overwhelming. Certainly, though, at the very least, there are a few key things that could go a long way in helping.  Some of the things are listed in Bill HR3717.  The need to redraft HIPAA so that parents and guardians have the ability to work on behalf of their mentally ill children is a big one.   We need to stop closing community mental health centers and mental health hospitals that facilitate programs to keep people off of the streets and as well as possible.  Not only do we need to stop closing them, but we need to fund them to the fullest extent possible to reach as many individuals as possible.  We need to find a solution to taking care of the most severely mentally ill that doesn’t include locking them away in a place, never to be seen again.  We need to stop stigmatizing the mentally ill by understanding they are fighting a very hard battle.







It Works!

Now and then we get some surprises.  This time, it was a mixed blessing, but still a blessing overall.  Stay with me and I’ll show you what I mean.

Doctors are finding surprising results from medications traditionally used for other purposes.  In this case, the medication is Cycloserine, a generic of a drug (formally under the name Seromycin) manufactured by Eli Lilly.  This drug is an antibiotic that does not carry with it the same risk factors as antipsychotics, SSRI’s, etc.  It was traditionally used in the prevention of tuberculosis.

There is a more in depth description of Cycloserine, here, where it also describes some uses.  For our part, our psychiatrist has used it for people on the autism spectrum, where it has, in his experience, worked to “open up” the verbal channels and promote speech in the non-verbal.

My 9 year old son has struggled with expression his whole life.  He has trouble connecting feelings with language and has always reacted to triggers without us knowing that he was even upset about something.  His affect has always been quite flat so it has been hard to see into his feelings, whether happy or sad.  He has never been able to verbalize any of what has bothered him appropriately, and has always historically resorted to meltdowns and unsafe behaviors without warning.

After a little more than a month on Cycloserine, there is a stark, remarkable difference.  All of a sudden he is keeping a “feelings” journal (what?!? really?!?) and speaking at length with his therapists about what bothers him at school, at home, with other kids, on the bus, you name it!  Here, you will have to understand that we had actually suspended outside therapy because we were making no progress with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). My son could give all the “right” answers and talk the talk, but he could not speak about his own feelings or internalize anything that was being taught to him.  Even though I new very well there were sensory issues, the degree of severity with which some of these affect him are now becoming more clear.

This progress has been amazing and very helpful to all of us.  However, there has been a downside and I wanted to be transparent about that, too.  Even with other mood stabilizers in place, his mood has gone back to rapid cycling.  He is having meltdowns and some aggressive behavior.  Right now, we are tweaking his other medications to alleviate those symptoms.  Still, this result is not only what we hoped for, it is something I had almost given up on hoping would ever happen.

Thankful to doctors like our psychiatrist, who are always keeping abreast of the latest treatments, as well as really listening and understanding what we as families experience. Very grateful.



Dealing With Hospitalization

Over this long winter, I have been a part of several discussions about hospitalization. I say often that I’m not one to reinvent the wheel. Sometimes, you just know someone who ‘nails’ something.  Chrisa Hickey of The Mindstorm wrote a wonderful post about what to do if your child is hospitalized.  She has given me permission to repost.  If you have an opportunity, click above and go visit her site.  She has some great things to say!  Thank you, Chrisa, for all your advocacy!

This is a reblog of Chrisa’s actual post on her site:

Hospitalization How-To (When You Have To)

One of my kids was in the psychiatric hospital, or the “phosp” as we short hand it in the Facebook Support Group, last week.  It doesn’t matter which one.  Even though each of my kids with mental health concerns has, of course, their own distinctly different issues, the experience of being hospitalized, working on those issue, formulating a plan for aftercare, and discharge is generally the same.  At least for us parents.  Someone pointed out to me that, unbelievably, I’ve never written a post about what to do when your child is hospitalized.  As this is the 14th time I’ve had a child admitted to the phsop – not a badge of honor, I can assure you – I guess there’s no time like the present.

The Awareness

The first time Tim went inpatient, we were told by his therapist that it was necessary.  The next 10 times, we waited until he was a psychotic, raging, melting mess and we had to call police and paramedics to get him to go.  The last time (so far, knock wood) we decided that he was showing signs of decompensating to the point of being dangerous to himself / the rest of the family and worked with his doctor to check him in.  The first 11 stays were more than 20 days each.  The last was 4.  You might say that we’re slow learners ( you wouldn’t be the first), but we finally realized that waiting until he was a puddle of goo and beyond unhinged wasn’t healthy for him or anyone else in the house.  If you feel your child is decompensating, call your pdoc or therapist.  Start the discussion.  You know when it’s just an off day and when it’s becoming a trend.  That way you and your doctor can decide when a hospital stay can help stabilize your kiddo without having to wait until you find yourself, like I found myself, more than once, screaming, “That’s it! You’re going to the hospital!”


Getting There

There’s only three ways – you drive, the police drive, or an ambulance drives.  There are pluses and minuses to all three options.  Police can help calm an escalated situation and can call an ambulance for transport if that is what is needed to get your child to the hospital safely.  But it takes time.  The police have to come. They have to assess. Same with EMT.  And then there’s the extreme visibility to the neighborhood if police and/or an ambulance show up in your driveway which can distress you and your child later. But if it’s between you possibly getting brained in the car by flying objects or your child bailing out of a moving car or dealing with nosy neighbors later, please always opt for the choice that keeps everyone safe.


One additional note about calling the police.  Before you have a crisis, call your local police / sheriff non-emergency number and ask if they have  CIT trained officers or a mental health registry program.  If they do, register your phone number and address as the home of a person with a mental illness.  Then, if you must call for  help, you can tell the 911 operator, “I need a CIT trained officer, as I have a child in a mental health crisis.”  You will have a more positive experience with law enforcement and emergency personnel if you make plans in advance.


The Wait

The vast majority of psychiatric admissions are through the ER, whether your child arrives by ambulance or you drive him/her there. ER staff are used to dealing with crisis, but most are woefully unprepared / untrained  to deal with a child in a psychiatric crisis. If you arrive by ambulance at least you’ll get a room right away.  If you walk into an ER, you will likely try and keep your kid from coming unglued in the waiting room for an hour or more before you even see a triage nurse.  And, as great as triage nurses are, they will likely  have a difficult time understanding why you are in an ER for a kid who’s having a “tantrum” or a “meltdown”.  Once you get into a room you wait for a psych consult.  And you wait. And wait. If you’re lucky, you can, again, keep your kid from becoming unglued.  If you’re unlucky – like happened to us once – your kid will scream and rage and spit and tell the staff that you’re trying to kill him, which will bring a social worker to see you WAY faster than it will bring the psych consult.


Once you get the psych consult, there’s only one reason they will consider admission for your kid.  He/she has to be an IMMEDIATE DANGER TO HIM/HERSELF AND/OR OTHERS.  Just because your kid is so manic that he hasn’t slept in a week and has broken every dish and door in the house isn’t good enough. Just because she talked about suicide in vague terms every day for the past two weeks isn’t good enough. The danger has to be imminent (just ask Adrienne).  Even if they do believe your child needs to be admitted, the wait continues while they try and find a bed.  Or another facility. Or somewhere other than the ER.  I’ve had the wait be three hours.  I’ve heard it taking as long as FOUR DAYS.  Yep – you read that right. I’ve had more than one mom tell me about being stuck in the ER, sitting next to her child for days waiting for a bed to become available, while the ER staff did nothing to help her son – didn’t even give him his regular meds.


If you have a good pdoc and he/she can get you a direct admit, all the better.  Then you can avoid the ER nightmare. Our psychiatric hospital has a walk in assessment team so we can skip the ER.  It’s a godsend.


The Admission

Once you get a bed, then there’s the paperwork.  Be prepared to fill out a complete medical history, including an assessment of your child’s current mental state.  Bring his/her current meds with you so you know the dosages.  Your child will likely have to answer questions about his/her mood as well, and as hard as it is to help our kids by answering for them when they are unstable, do your best to let your child answer. You might find out that your child is more aware of his/her symptoms than you realize.  I know I did.


They will ask you what method you prefer they use to subdue your child, should your child become a danger to him/herself or others while in the hospital.  The choices are usually these three:


  • Use of a quiet room / seclusion
  • Use of rescue medication (oral and/ or injectible)
  • Restraint by personnel, mechanical restraints, or both

I tell them that is my preference – that order.  They will tell you that they will make “best effort” to follow that, and make you sign a waiver that says you understand they can use any or all of them as they see fit, and you don’t really  have a choice.  But know this, and be sure THEY know you know this – they can’t give your child rescue meds or use restraint without telling you.  If you show up for a visit and your child tells you they got an injection or were in a hold, and they didn’t call to tell you, raise holy hell.  Call the case worker ASAP.


You will likely have to sign several releases for your child’s school, psychiatrist, pediatrician, and therapist to receive information about your child’s condition and status while in the hospital.  My rule of thumb is all info to the doctors is fine, but school only needs to know that your child is in the hospital so his or her IEP and schoolwork can be sent to the hospital.  They don’t need to know anything else.  HIPAA law aside, in my experience, schools are the least reliable at actually following privacy law.


You will get information on what your child is allowed to have and what he/she is not.  Draw strings in clothing, belts, shoe laces, under wire bras, spiral notebooks, or anything that can be used to self harm are generally not allowed.  Our hospital doesn’t allow stuffed animals or outside blankets either, which can be hard on younger children. Your child will be strip searched.  It will be traumatic for your child and for you.  You will get information on how to call your child and what the visiting hours are.  Some hospitals have strict phone and visitation times, some do not, so be sure you know before you leave.


In some states, if your child is over the age of 14, your child must consent to his or her admission.


Here’s a little known fact: Psychiatric hospitals are not allowed to change your child’s medication without getting your consent before they change it.


Be sure they give you a schedule of the program.  You should know what your child is doing.  Also be sure they give you a telephone number to your child’s caseworker.  Each child should have a care coordinator or case worker and you need to know how to contact him or her. Know the name of the doctor assigned to your child, and his or her office phone number.


During Inpatient

If you’ve ever had a child inpatient, you know that the one thing all psychiatric hospitals suck at is communication.


Don’t let them get away with it.

Call your child’s case worker or care coordinator the day after admission and let him or her know your expectations as far as communication goes.  I expect a call daily. I ask if meds have been changed.  I ask if my child is participating in the program or is being allowed to sleep through it (which is a big warning sign that the hospital may not be so good at actually treating patients). I ask if my child has seen the psychiatrist, and when the first staffing is scheduled.  I ask to schedule the first family session, during that first call.  I ask the case worker’s hours because if I call my kid’s case worker and I don’t get a return call in two hours, I start calling every 30 minutes until I do get a call.  It’s amazing how well that little trick works.  Yes, I know I can be an annoying bitch when my child’s welfare is involved.  Tough noogies.


After the first staffing, I expect the case worker and the doctor to give me data, and lots of it, answering these types of questions:


  • What is my child’s working diagnosis? Is it different than a diagnosis he/she had before admission?
  • In what type of groups and/or therapy sessions is my child participating? General group therapy? Play therapy? Self-injury? What is the goal of the therapy sessions?
  • Do you have any plans to adjust my child’s medication? Why?
  • Have you been in contact with my child’s primary psychiatrist? If not, why not?
  • How is my child adjusting to the routine of the ward?
  • Has the school sent over my child’s schoolwork? Is my child working on it? If not, why not?
  • Do you have thoughts about the aftercare plan we can discuss now?

Visitation and Calls

Tim always had a distinct pattern when it came to phone calls home and visits while inpatient.  The first day or two inpatient, he would call us, say three words, and hang up on us.  The first visitation time, he would refuse to see us.  I still think it was his way of showing us he was in charge of the situation, even if he was in the hospital.  So be prepared for your kid to be pissed off or out of sorts or not ready to talk to you right away, even if he/she knew inpatient was needed.  Admitting you need to be hospitalized is as demoralizing and scary and embarrassing for our kids as it is for us. Don’t take it personally, even if he’s screaming, “I  hate you!” at 120 decibels into the phone.


On the flip side, try not to puddle when your child cries and wants to come home. They know how to tug our heart strings, and they’ll do it. They will beg.  They will promise to be better.  They will try and rationalize that they aren’t getting anything out of the program, or the program is stupid, or the staff are incompetent.  Be sympathetic but firm. If the program is sub-standard, you’ll know it. But unless the place isn’t safe or the program is horrid, there is no reason to take your kid outAMA.  Trust me – your insurance will take care of that soon enough.


Oh – speaking of getting your kid discharged AMA, be advised – most states have some law that allows the phosp to take anywhere from seven to fourteen days – not including weekends or holidays – to discharge a patient from a psychiatric hospital AMA.  Yeah, no joke.  Be sure you know what your state’s law is. I didn’t know and when I wanted to get Tim discharged once from a really, really horrible hospital, I was told it would take up to five days.  I sat outside the door to his ward for over five hours until they go tired of me sitting there staring at them through the door.  Sort of my own little protest.


Discharge and After Care


Aftercare is by far the most important part of any inpatient hospitalization.  Sure – your child has been stabilized by a hospital stay, but often the stay is short because your insurance will only cover until your child is no longer in imminent danger, whatever that REALLY means. Your child will likely need follow up care. It can take one of many forms:


  • Partial hospitalization / day hospitalization: Very similar to the day portion of an inpatient program. Your child would be in the hospital school-type hours, and work on the same goals he/she had inpatient.
  • Intensive outpatient: more like a condensed day hospitalization.  Typically this isn’t offered for kids, but could be an option for older teens.
  • Residential treatment: If you child needs longer term treatment, residential may be recommended. Kids in residential typically aren’t acute (meaning, not in imminent danger) but are still far from stable.  Residential can be anywhere from three weeks to, in Tim’s case, three years. It depends on the severity of your child’s symptoms and the structure they require to work towards stabilization.
  • Individual therapy: In some cases, your child may be treated in a classical outpatient setting as follow up.

In any of these cases, the after care plan should be agreed upon by you, the case manager, the treating psychiatrist, and your child’s primary psychiatrist if that doctor is different from the inpatient treating pdoc.  And, always, call your insurance company to be sure the after care plan is covered.  If it isn’t or you need help in getting after care services, call your county department of mental health services or the Federation of Families, who specialize in helping families of children with mental illness.



It’s Always A New Normal

Having just come off of Spring Break week, with all my kids home, I was struck by the constant change our family is always going through. When mental illness is present in your family, there is not a ‘typical’ day.

Times like Spring Break are especially difficult because when children who have trouble with transition or anxiety about change, it is difficult for them to shift from the everyday routine of school, where typically (at least in therapeutic schools) they know what to expect all the time. Suddenly, they are back with a week of unstructured time and it is difficult for them to handle.

My two boys that suffer from mental illness have always had trouble occupying themselves and want constant entertainment. It doesn’t matter if you do one thing in a day, or ten, it is never enough. They want to be constantly moving sun up to sun down. Add some incessant questioning to that, “Where are we going?,” “What are we doing?,” all day long, and it is a recipe for stress. That, of course, does not even account for the meltdowns.

When we began homeschooling my oldest at age four, I believed we would do it forever. I love homeschooling and treasured having my children around all the time. We even continued to homeschool through my oldest’s most difficult times, in the throes of psychosis and varying behaviors. When my third child began displaying many symptoms of mental illness, just as my oldest had, I knew that I could not keep up what I had previously been doing. I wasn’t even sure that it was healthy to do so. When every single day is a huge battle, it is very wearing, and not just on a caregiver. My two neurotypical children were having significant difficulties coping with the household chaos.

Now, all these many years later, three of my children are in special schools and my daughter is the only one left homeschooling. We are in a transition phase as many of her homeschooled peers are now going on to high school, and she is going to enter her 8th grade year. While I know that she is equipped to handle the challenges of high school if she wished to go early, we have decided she will continue to homeschool, at least for the year ahead. I am leaving space open for whatever she chooses, to go to high school, or homeschool through.

My oldest son is successful in his therapeutic school, but still struggles to make friends. He feels lonely much of the time and even though he attempts to put himself out there, he is not finding the friendships he so desires. My third son faces the same challenges. He is doing very well at school, but socially is struggling terribly and is very lonely. My youngest, struggling with some learning disabilities is having success in school and likes it, thankfully. This is not the picture I held for any of my kids, however, it is our reality.

When one son is doing well, the other generally isn’t. It is an up and down roller coaster of emotion and chaos. We never know what each day is going to bring, and I am just thankful for the days that are relatively peaceful.

Then, there is the question, “What is normal, anyway?” Well, of course, the answer to that is, there is no normal. All everyone does every day is the best they can. I’ll confess, “normal” wouldn’t appeal to a homeschooling, alternative health promoting, non-GMO advocating, tree hugger, anyway. I’ll settle for okay.


Mental illness views: Europe and the U.S. compared

I really enjoy reading what Pete Earley writes.   He’s a journalist, but I think it’s his heart for the plight of individuals with mental illness and the least fortunate that really make his work interesting for me. His latest blog post wonders if Europeans view mental illness differently than we do here in the U.S.

Honestly, after reading the posts as well as knowing some people from Europe, I think that it is both the case that they view and treat people with mental illness differently.  One of the things that struck me the most reading the opinions of those Pete posed the question to was the perspective that in the U.S. it is feeling that, “Everyone must pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.”  I have to say that I wholeheartedly agree that here in the U.S. my view is that overwhelmingly people feel that way, and it makes me very sad.

We stigmatize, we point fingers, we do many things to avoid being truly, meaningfully helpful to others.  It is always “someone else’s problem.”  Now, of course, I am not saying that everyone feels this way, but when I look at comments on news stories, especially anything to do with the welfare system or stories like that of Kelly Thomas it is apparent to me how very far we have to go in this country regarding empathy and compassion.

Having a child (or more than one) with a mental illness is an incredibly difficult and overwhelming prospect.  Once they get to be teenagers, it becomes doubly so. Families are faced with the prospect of a child turning 18 and then, for all purposes regarding care, being “on their own.”

One of the interesting comments Pete received was that Europeans, “are more comfortable with a “need for treatment” commitment standard….rather than only dangerousness.”  I wish, here in the U.S., we were more focused on a need for treatment standard.  Pete said that he received jaw drops when he mentioned, “The largest public mental health facility in the U.S. is a jail….”  That fact is really something that should make everyone’s jaw drop.  That is absolutely an unacceptable standard.

I’ll leave you with the ending of Pete’s article, which I thought was very poignant.

“What I can say is that every foreign crowd who hears me talk about how our jails and prisons have become our new asylums are stunned. How can a nation that values individual freedom so highly take away the freedom of  individuals who are ill and need help?

They expect more of us.”

Thanks, Pete.  I always count on you to have something very valuable to contribute.



In response to ‘Reckoning’

After reading Andrew Solomon’s piece, Reckoning, an interview of Peter Lanza, I was left raw and sad.  The father of Adam Lanza (the individual who shot children, teachers and killed his mother as well as himself in Newtown, Connecticut) Peter’s story is one that some have waited to hear, and others, well, have no desire to hear.  There is so much about his story that is familiar.  For those who have not walked alongside someone who has a mental illness, things may seem very cut and dry.  We, as a society have a tendency toward blame, without looking to understand.  This was a tragedy, and it is right to treat it as such.  However, unless we look to understand how great a systematic failure we have in this country, I don’t believe it’s going to get better.

My oldest son’s diagnosis of Early Onset Schizophrenia did not come easily.  I spent many of his early years reading, reading, reading literally everything I could get my hands on that might help me figure out what was going on.  As I was homeschooling, I also was looking for clues as to how my son learned because it was so much different than my younger daughter.  In those early years, I discovered many things and follow up testing confirmed much of what I knew. There were also some things revealed that I hadn’t really understood, that is to say, once they put a name to what might have been happening, I was able to understand it, but before, on my own, it just appeared to be, for lack of a better word, puzzling.

Here’s the thing, I was and always have been, proactive.  Yet, my son went through so much I didn’t understand. He was violent in the home, he tried to jump out of a moving car, he was hallucinating, he became suicidal, he tried running away.  We got “help” from psychologists that wasn’t helpful.  We had neuropsychological testing and while some was helpful in getting him advanced treatment (and more correct treatment), it didn’t “fix” what was going on.  But for constant pressing and pushing, I couldn’t have gotten him to his current psychiatrist that has done so much for us.  Even having a psychiatrist that is highly intelligent, an expert at psychopharmacology, who also works at a mental health hospital where he sees kids like my son on a daily basis did not stop my son from having a psychotic break and trying to kill himself.  Even with all of my interventions, all the therapy, the admission to the mental health hospital, it didn’t stop anything.

We are very fortunate because our son was able to be admitted to a second mental health hospital where he remained for 42 days consecutively while they did a med wash, and finally, our psychiatrist recommended that we take the last resort step; introducing Clozaril.  This, and only this, has been the main game changer for my son.  He is no longer suicidal.  He hasn’t heard voices in a very long time.  So, why am I saying all of this? This was supposed to be about the Lanza family.  I feel for Peter Lanza because I see him as a victim also.  I myself have felt helpless watching my son become someone I don’t know and don’t understand.

I believe there are a lot of families that could be the Lanza family.  Mental health treatment in this country is abhorrent.  Mental illness does not come with a manual.  Adam Lanza was taken to doctors and psychiatrists, even prestigious ones.  He was put on Lexapro, which is primarily for anxiety and depression.  The recounting that Peter Lanza did regarding what I see clearly as a definite progression of illness is tragic.  That better interventions and more support were not offered to the Lanza family is nothing short of awful.

If society is going to blame the parents of Adam Lanza for the tragedy that occurred, then I am going to go full out and blame the mental health system that society allows to continue in a static state.  We are not taking seriously the lack of resources and support for mentally ill families, nor are we addressing stigma.  Until we start to really begin to invest in wellness and care for mentally ill individuals and support for their families, tragedies of all types will continue to occur.  We have a responsibility as a society to care for those who cannot care for themselves, without exclusion.




It has certainly been a long, long winter here in the Midwest.  Sometimes, I think we take the sun for granted.  The reason I say this today is that so many of my friends who have children with serious mental illnesses are struggling.  They are struggling as parents, they are struggling as families and their children are struggling.  In a conversation with one of these friends, she remarked, “You know how you are just tired?  Just can’t face going out once more with a fake smile on your face?”  Yes.  I know that feeling all too well.  This has been said a number of times, in a great many places, but it bears repeating.  When a child has a serious illness, like cancer, there is a lot of support.  No matter how life threatening or horrible a mental illness is, the support is virtually non existent, for most of us.  I have lived this story and hear it over and over from friends and acquaintances in the same boat. And, in times like these, long winter, dark and dreary times, it goes on and on.  I have another friend whose son is battling repeated hospitalizations because the one medicine that is a go to for Schizophrenia, he can’t take.  How’s that for a kick in the gut?  He can be successful on a medication, live a semblance of a “normal” (I hate that word) life, but he can’t take the medicine because he is one of the population who the side effects are all too real for.  What do you do, then?  What about when the one hospital bed that was available is taken?  Then what?  Or, how about the insurance company has decided that three days is plenty, so now your unstable child is coming home because they are deemed stable enough by said insurance company?  Now what?  Somehow, sorry doesn’t seem enough to say.

Another friend asked me if I had ever experienced feeling scapegoated by the school, therapists, psychiatrists.  I laughed out loud. Umm, how about my oldest son’s entire childhood?  It was a lot of fun being told I was making too much of things, they didn’t see anything like what I was talking about at school, etc., ad nauseum.  Funny how a full psychotic break with suicide attempt will all of a sudden get everyone’s attention.  Suddenly, everything I had said made sense to everyone.  Hmm, that’s interesting.  Needless to say, I no longer care about anyone else’s opinion of what is going on with my son.  Even the apologies didn’t really make that situation better, but it did a little to soften my heart again.

If you are a parent with a child with a serious mental illness, know you are not alone.  Seek out help at NAMI, find a local chapter and join a group.  If you are a single caregiver, get on the internet and seek out a group, there are many.  Don’t do this alone.  It is lonely here; you know it.  I see you.  I’ve been you.  I am you.